tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC August 20, 2015 12:37am-1:38am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- keegan-michael key, from "american ultra," actor tony hale, music from ms mr, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it.
you were the official in charge of it. did you wipe the server? >> what like with a cloth or something? [ laughter ] i don't know how it works digitally at all. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: i -- [ laughter ] i mean, i haven't seen hillary awkwardly dance like that since -- well, since earlier this week. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and by the way -- by the way, hillary, if you're trying to convince people of your innocence, you really picked the wrong outfit. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so it was a rough outing for hillary. but there is some good news, at least she didn't have the worst e-mail scandal of the week. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] got it. all right. i read you loud and clear. no jokes about that. [ light laughter ] former subway spokesman jared fogle -- [ laughter ] has pleaded guilty to child pornography charges. if convicted, he could be in
jail for the next 35 to 40 sub-tembers. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] just the one. just the one. just the one. a new cnn poll shows that donald trump is polling within six points of hillary clinton. it's the closest trump has ever gotten to a woman over 40. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump said today that some of his sexist comments were made when nobody cared who he was. that's right. his comments were made next year. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] trump also said today that he reads "the new york times," "wall street journal," and "new york post" every morning. and while he's doing that, his wife melania just reads the prenup. [ laughter ] according to a new list, nashville is the friendliest
city in america, while philadelphia beat up the person who was putting together the list. [ laughter and applause ] "we don't wanna be on your list." the terrorist group hamas said this week that they have captured a dolphin they say is being used by israel to spy on palestine. [ light laughter ] the dolphin would have gotten away with it, but he forgot one crucial detail. [ laughter ] looks like a very -- very dangerous place for a dolphin to have a yamake due to the blowhole situation. but, hey, he's a super spy. [ light laughter ] he was accused of being a spy, then again he might be a double agent or as it is known in the dolphin community, a flipper. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. one for your kids. of course, you have to explain what hamas is. [ light laughter ]
but that's not on me, that's your job. [ light laughter ] the sex toy company "love ends" has come out with the first ever apple watch controlled vibrator. or, you could take off your apple watch and maybe someone will have real sex with you. [ laughter and applause ] your call. researchers have polled incoming college freshman and found the majority of them have never licked a stamp. "yes, we know," said their girlfriends. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] -- that's why i have an apple watch. [ laughter ] new york governor andrew cuomo has started speaking out against body painted topless women taking photos with tourists and says he believes it is illegal and infringes on legitimate business. legitimate business like fat spider-man incorporated. [ laughter ] "where's dr. octopus? the 54th floor?
i can't get that high. [ laughter ] you think he'd meet me on the tenth floor? i'd be happy to do some web-slinging there." [ light laughter ] hilton hotels announced yesterday they will move -- they will remove on demand porn from their hotel room tvs. "noooo!" said a man from 1992. [ laughter ] "how else am i supposed to get pornography? could you have someone fax it to me?" [ laughter ] and finally, donald trump said this week that he no longer thinks heidi klum is attractive enough to be called a 10. and then jared fogle ran in and said, "who's 10?" [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen -- what? -- this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: everybody, that's the 8g band right over there! sitting in on drums all week, the amazing jimmy chamberlin
from smashing pumpkins. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. >> great to be here. >> seth: so fantastic to have you. everybody, we have a great show for you tonight. i hope you like very funny people because we have a couple of them as guests. from the show "key & peele" on comedy central, a good friend of mine, keegan-michael key is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to him about the fifth fantastic season of that show. also from the new film "american ultra" and the fantastic show "veep," tony hale is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the very funny tony hale. and also, we have music from a great band. ms mr is joining us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to hear them. all right, real quick before we move on. have you ever noticed that when you google something -- when you google, there are millions of results. and usually you only have to look at the first page or two to see the results you're looking for. but i started to wonder about those last few pages where the internet becomes weirder, lonelier.
[ light laughter ] so allow me to take you into the bowels of the internet with a segment we call -- deep google. [ thunderclap ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: summer vacation is almost over and kids everywhere are gearing up to start their next school year, so i thought this would be the perfect time to google "back to school." all right, so here's the first page results for back to school. pretty much what you'd expect. links to school supplies at staples and wal-mart, articles about shopping on a budget. but look at the bottom. look at all those os in google. that means we can go deeper. deeper into -- deep google. [ thunderclap ] [ laughter ] let's check out what's on page seven. looks like we got a buzzfeed list, "17 kids who grew a lot over summer break." [ laughter ] all right, so let's check that
out. "kids grow at different rates. here are 17 kids who drew a lot this past summer. click the before photo to see the after." okay. let's check out the first few. 11-year-old twins celia and evan, very cute. let's see how much they grew over the summer. oh, man. that is way too fast. [ laughter ] next up is 13-year-old jacob. let's see how he aged over the summer. oh, no. [ laughter ] do not waste any time on that one. let's see the last one. dashaun, age eight. let's see how did he grow over the summer? oh, no, he's not -- [ audience ohs ] did not stick with basketball. [ laughter ] all right, now, growing up is so confusing, but, folks, that was only page seven. which means we can go deeper, so much deeper into -- deep google. [ thunderclap ] [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] let's check out page 79 of the search results, "discount trapper keeper warehouse." [ laughter ]
so, this looks interesting. great trapper keepers at big savings. so i guess these are trapper keepers that nobody wanted. now they're selling them cheaper. looks like there's a few categories. let's see what's in the "cuties and dreamboats" section. so instead of justin beiber, harry styles, we have -- okay, j.k. simmons. [ laughter ] not your classic teen heartthrob. buy one get four free. all right. [ light laughter ] let's check out the "fun food" section. instead of pizza or hamburgers, we have lemon sautéed tilapia. [ laughter ] the favorite meal of the kid who wears a bow tie to school and calls his mother by her first name. [ light laughter ] let's check out the animated movie section. instead of "frozen" or "inside out", we have "monions," which is -- [ laughter ] -- obviously some sort of second-rate knock-off of "minions." and last but not least, we have "mom's old boyfriends." [ audience ohs ] some of those guys were pretty cool. it's too bad it didn't work out. [ light laughter ] folks, that was only page 79, which means we can dive down, so much farther down into the nightmarish wasteland that is -- deep google.
[ thunderclap ] [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] all right, page 93. get to school quick with uber jr. the world's first car service app just for children. let's check it out. "uber jr., let a stranger pick up your kid." [ laughter ] all right, i feel like that's not a great tag line. down here it says drivers wanted. click here to apply. well, i'm curious what the application process is. let's click on that. "your name and i.p. have been logged and reported to the fbi to be added to the national registry of sex offenders. thank you for your --" [ laughter ] okay, well, that's really bad, but it's okay. i did not use my own laptop. this laptop belongs to my writer, ben warheit. sorry, ben. i had no idea that was going to happen. [ laughter ] i didn't know that was gonna happen, ben. >> it's okay, seth. they can't arrest me for the same crime twice. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> seth: oh -- i'm absolutely certain that they can.
>> you're the best, seth. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: well, if there's any silver lining to the situation, it's that we can still venture onward into the cavernous pit of obscurity that is -- deep google. [ thunderclap ] this one? it's over here? okay, we gotta rehearse this, guys. [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] let's check out page 124 of the search results. "stop sending me back to school," an op-ed by daryl durbin. let's check that out. it says daryl durbin is a 32-year-old man whose been held back in the 12th grade 14 times. shall we read his story? "stop sending me back to school. i done learning. i don't want to math. i don't want to english. expecially i don't want to gym class.
[ light laughter ] i hate that the dumb kids i used to pick on are now my teachers and principal. it is embarrassing the way they look at me. please stop sending me back to school. i done learning." [ laughter ] fascinating stuff, but have i satisfied my hunger for exploring the furthest corners of the internet? of course not. so onward we forge, to the very bottom of the vast, unforgiving hellscape that is -- deep google. [ thunderclap ] you just can't -- we can't just dick around all the time. we have to move forward. [ laughter ] we have to be moving forward all the time. we just can't waste time over in the "deep google" camera. we have to do this. we have to keep moving. [ laughter ] finally, page 4,044, the very last page. third grade production of "back to school." okay, so i believe that's the movie. let's take a look at this. claymont elementary third grade drama performs the seminal 1986 rodney dangerfield classic, "back to school." [ light laughter ] all right, well, i've got to see this. >> hey, teach, when are we getting to the interesting stuff?
i'm fallin' asleep back here! [ laughter ] >> i don't know how they did things back in your day, but here, students are expected to show respect. that is, if you ever want to pass this class. >> whoa, go easy. i'm just not used to it, that's all. besides, i'm not a fighter. i'm a lover. [ laughter ] >> i'll be keeping my eye on you, rodney dangerfield. >> hey, i don't get no respect. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's really fantastic stuff. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for that wonderful production. and they'll be doing "caddyshack" in the fall and "uncle buck" next spring. this has been "deep google." we'll re -- b --right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ throughout ♪
bring us your aching and sleep deprived. bring us those who want to feel well rested. aleve pm. the only one to combine a sleep aid... plus the 12 hour pain relieving strength of aleve. be a morning person again, with aleve pm. ♪ ♪ ♪ nothing will keep you from magnum double caramel. silky vanilla bean ice cream and rich caramel sauce all covered in thick chocolate. magnum, the only ice cream bar made with belgian chocolate. ♪ it's just a summer thing
double it up this summer with a hot deal from mcdonald's. the $2.50 double combo, a mouth-watering double cheeseburger and small fries for just $2.50. (music) ♪ this is the ford f-150. and this changes everything. and so does this. drive any new 2015 ford f-150, with 0% financing for 72 months. see your local ford dealer today. all right, first day i look like our lawyer. exactly. why can't i just dress like them? them? they look cool. excuse me! young people! where did you get these looks? old navy. the navy, it's the navy. old navy mom... and how much for the denims?
eight dollars. eight? mom please! mom! hunter! hunter! mommy's speaking. kids stuff is up to 60% off. you're going to be late today hunter, we're going to old navy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. for the past five seasons, our first guest has created hit characters on the critically acclaimed sketch show, "key & peele," for which he's earned multiple emmy nominations,
including best supporting actor in a comedy series. new episodes air wednesday night on comedy central. let's take a look. >> do you know who's good, though? >> valley kilmers? >> oh, we talking about valley kilmers right now? >> mm-hmm. >> we talking about valley kilmers right now, dog? which one, which one, which one? >> oh, you know, valley kilmers in "tombstone." >> oh, what? [ laughter ] >> come on, man. [ neighs ] >> i'll be your huck berry. [ imitates gunshots ] >> [ bleep ] doc holidays dog. >> i'll be your huckleberry. >> oh at that o.k. corral. talkin' 'bout -- earp, earp -- >> okay, okay, okay. oh, you ain't okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show keegan-michael key. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: what a pleasure to have you here!
give it up, this is so exciting. >> this is so good. we haven't seen each other in such a long time. >> seth: it's been a very long time, we've known each other for a very long time. >> we've known each other a very long time, yeah. >> seth: and i'm so excited for everything you're doing. i'm so incredibly impressed with the work you guys did on "key & peele." your last season, this is season five has just been wonderful. i'm so excited for the projects you're going to move on and do afterwards. and i know you've been sort of trying to line that all up. >> yeah. >> seth: you recently had a meeting. and you had -- this very exciting thing that sometimes happens with showbiz meetings when you saw somebody you're a big fan of. >> yeah, yeah. well, i was reading with my agent, and right past the front door of the conference room we were in was mads mikkelsen from "hannibal." does anybody watch "hannibal"? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: wonderful actor. >> amazing actor, and i think he's amazing. and not just because he's foreign. i think he's fantastic. [ laughter ] i said to my agent, i'm like, "oh, my god. that's mads mikkelsen. that's mads mikkelsen." and he said, "do you want to meet him?" i went, "well, we don't have to --" "hey, hey! tom, tom!
stop mads!" it was forced and it was kind of flustered. i didn't have my bearings about me. and so we run downstairs, and he's like, "tom, mads. keegan wants to meet mads." so i walk over to mads mikkelsen. i'm just like, "there's hannibal." [ laughter ] i had my stuff together, and i walked over and i was like, "you know, mads, it is just a pleasure to meet you. my wife and i really, really enjoy the show so very much. and it's just exquisite. thank you -- thank you so much." that was already pushing gushy, right? >> seth: a little weird. >> so, i could have stopped right there. mind you, i was still holding his hand. [ laughter ] and then this came out of my mouth. i don't know what happened. i said, "the work's exquisite. thank you so much. thank you. -- merci." [ laughter ] >> seth: no, why? >> why? because i did the worst thing an american can do. everybody in europe speaks french! [ light laughter ] the guy is from denmark. and i really leaned into the accent to. "thank you so much. merci."
[ laughter ] "merci." it was ridiculous. he was very gracious. he was like, "de rien." he said, "you're welcome." it was "you're welcome" in french. i'm butchering it. as we're moving forward and working on new projects, you just kind of bump into people. >> seth: that's fantastic. and of course, you have one of the greatest scene partners of all time. jordan and you have the best chemistry. but you got to perform at the white house correspondent's dinner with president obama this year as luther, the anger translator. >> unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: fantastic. >> unbelievable. it's so weird. it's so weird to watch a character that you play with another person somehow practically exists in the real world. [ laughter ] like at one point in time, the president -- we were rehearsing. he was reading some of the stuff, and clearly something had happened in congress that he wasn't happy with. and he just looked at the thing and he said -- [ barack obama impression ] "these guys are -- this [ bleep ] is ridiculous."
[ laughter and applause ] they really are, really fed up with them for real! >> seth: oh, i believe that. i believe that. that was fantastic. we mentioned we knew each other for a long time. we both came out of chicago. >> yep, mm-hmm. >> seth: you were on "mad tv" at the same time as my brother. >> right, josh. >> seth: i did not realize my brother, ike barinholtz, hayes macarthur, they had a house in l.a. that is probably -- how would you describe it? >> i would describe it as a home that for whatever reason, god was feeling malicious one day, picked up, and dipped it into urine and then put it back. [ laughter ] >> seth: it should have been condemned. >> it should have been condemned. it's still there. and there's still people from our comedy community living there. >> steve: yeah, they called it "camp hollywood." >> camp hollywood on sunset. >> seth: and you lived there. you took over my brother's room for, like, two months. >> yeah, 'cause your brother was dating a really beautiful woman at the time. >> seth: who had a nice apartment. >> who had a very nice apartment, yeah. [ laughter ] he was never there, so i slept in your brother's room. and he made an effort to make the room look good. he really made an effort. and we had good times there, remember? we watched the christmas special for "the office" there. >> seth: yeah! >> remember? you guys had pirated it back from england. we watched the -- ricky gervais.
and there was, like, five grown men crying. [ laughter ] but i lived in josh's room. and i remember, i seldom, if ever, showered in that house. i would go to the studio where i worked, where we were doing "mad tv" and the guys were like, "hey, keegan, what's going on, man? why are you here?" i was, like, "i have to shower here." [ laughter ] "i can't shower in the house." they had a cleaning lady. that poor cleaning lady, either she never did anything or she ran away screaming the first time. >> seth: i remember being there when the exterminator came and looked in the basement and came up, and looked ashen -- [ laughter ] he said something along the lines of like, "not only are there rats down there, but they've started a society and a government." [ laughter ] >> there's a parliament. >> seth: a rat parliament. [ laughter ] so congratulations. so, "key & peele" is such an endearing show. and one of the great things, not only your performances, some of the greatest hair and makeup in the history of shows that you've ever had. >> yeah. >> seth: and i want to show this because this was this year. what do you guys call terrorists in this scene? >> we call them "terrys." >> seth: this is a way you guys looked in the scene? >> we call 'em "terries." we call them, "terries." >> seth: so this is the way you
guys look in the scene. i think it's very important to show you guys first. [ laughter ] and you said -- you guys basically went on social media and said, "these are not -- i know this seems like something that does not exist if the real world." >> yeah, how could it? right. >> seth: and then you proved it does. [ laughter ] you had source material. >> we had actual source material, right. >> seth: are you guys just always looking for the craziest look you can find? >> we sit in a room with our hair and make-up people and we all get on google. we're all on the computer at the same time, just going, "what is the craziest, most sociopathic-looking person we can find?" [ laughter ] and our hair, she wanted to do these kind of looks for, like, two years. she was like, "if they could just please find some --" i'm like, "we don't even write sketches that crazy." where would we find crazy people that make their hair look like this? a man walking around in the world looking like that, it's unbelievable. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's fantastic. >> he's got hat hair! [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, he made a brim. >> he said, "why wear a hat? i just have hat hair." you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> seth: i like to think that that -- oh, my goodness. >> oh, god, oh! >> seth: i like to think that that guy was going -- >> deep google, right there. [ laughter ] >> seth: no, no, no! no, no! [ cheers and applause ]
it's only me. it's only me. that's my thing! [ applause ] i wanna, talking about sociopaths, this is one of my favorite characters on the show. you play a landlord. [ laughter ] this is pulled from someone you knew. >> my real life. from my real life, yes. >> seth: talk to me about -- he was a landlord. >> he was a landlord in detroit who shall remain nameless because i like being alive. [ laughter ] and two of my friends rented an apartment from him. and one time, he was showing them the apartment before they rented it. and he was like, "so you got a lot of cupboard space up here. you got your cupboards. got some drawers and everything in here. got some drawers in here. okay. all right. so that's a.38 caliber pistol. y'all don't need to worry about that. i'll keep that." [ laughter and applause ] and they were, like, "okay." they rented the apartment anyway. [ laughter ] and they saw he was doing maintenance one day. out of nowhere, he was doing maintenance. he was feeling crestfallen for some reason. they said, "what happened?" he said, "man, this dude got fresh with my niece, man.
i wasn't playing, man. he assaulted my niece. so i was, like, 'i don't even care, man.' i went to down to jail. i bailed him out my damn self. my friends to him to the back alley. we cut that [ bleep ] off, ourselves." [ audience ohs ] my friends just went like, "like you do. like you do. [ laughter ] if someone were to attack one's niece, you would have to dismember him and take his genitalia and put it in a pickle jar." >> seth: you have to do that. [ laughter ] >> you have to. it's the law. >> seth: that's what -- now, i want to take time to congratulate you on your emmy nomination this year for supporting actor. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: very exciting. and you guys -- you're working on a "police academy" reboot. >> we are. we are producing a reboot of "police academy." and we're in the midst of hiring writers and getting the draft kind of spruced up. >> seth: great. >> and we're looking forward to it. >> seth: well, i'm so excited. thank you so much for five great years of comedy. i'm so excited for whatever is next. you going to stick around now? >> i am. i'm gonna stick around.
>> seth: all right. we'll be right back with more from keegan-michael key. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ found it. appliances. now we just need a guy. ♪ i got one! i got one! i'm from fertilizer... you guys want to talk about fertilizer? no. ♪ don't go it alone. sears appliance experts are here to help you find the top brands, including kenmore. sears. house experts for home owners. and now, with the iphone everyoneforever from sprint, you can always get the latest iphone so you never have to wait to upgrade. no more waiting and no more being jealous of that guy who always has it. join the iphone forever revolution.
a new test with pwe rented this resort, hid smelly objects all over each villa and plugged in febreze. then real people were asked to stay for a long weekend. would they smell anything? the room itself was like [sniff] ahhh. feels like someone has pumped fresh oxygen into the room. on the last day we revealed everything. oooooohwoww. we were sitting right on it. febreze is stunningly effective. continuously eliminate odors for up to 45 days break out the febreze you plug in [inhale + exhale mnemonic] and breathe happy.
davy crockett? thank you. katie, do you think i needed a fancy protein shake to wrestle all those bears? no? that's right, all i ever had to eat was meat, cheese and nuts. okay? try that. it's protein without all that mumbo jumbo... katie. here's our chance. let's take this one together. what? i got you bear! p3 from oscar mayer. it's 13 grams of protein from the original source.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we're back here with keegan-michael key. it 's been so great catching up, talkin' about old times. >> absolutely, yes. >> seth: speaking of time. you know what time it is right now, keegan? >> you know, seth, it's just about "one o'clock in the morning." >> seth: and you know what that means. it's -- >> both: time to flirt. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ ♪ it's one o'clock in the morning ♪ >> seth: getting to be that time of the night in a bar where if you wanted to bring someone home, you'd have to kick your flirting into super drive. >> ooh -- gearshift. >> seth: who better to take flirting advice from than two guys who are married and haven't done it in awhile. [ laughter ] >> mm -- out of practice. [ laughter ] >> seth: you're about to take a master class and it's called sensuality 101. >> no prerequisites. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, what do you say we get started? hello, beautiful. do you come here often, and, if so, do you know where the toilets are? [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] >> i'll tell you what, if kisses were snowflakes, i'd be like, "that's true." [ laughter ] because i never kiss the same. i haven't quite figured out the
right technique yet, but i practice all the time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's one o'clock in the morning ♪ >> seth: hey there. did you fall from heaven, and, if you didn't, then why are you in a full body cast? [ laughter ] >> do you want a ticket to the gun show? because if so, i respectfully decline to be your plus one. i mean, i approve of your second amendment rights. i feel placing reasonable restrictions on firearm ownership would just make our country a safer place. [ laughter ] ♪ it's one o'clock in the morning yeah ♪ >> seth: hey, before we move on -- good one by the way. [ laughter ] it's time for last call and that means a sip of that sweet ambrosia.
>> woo. >> seth: the nectar of the gods that is double barreled, single malt whiskey on the rocks. >> mm -- social lubricant. >> seth: cheers. [ laughter ] mm -- no, no, no! >> that burns! oh, that burns! >> seth: that is way too strong! >> woo! >> seth: that is way too much alcohol! >> i don't think i could take a single barrel! >> seth: oh, i already have a headache! back to the flirting. [ laughter ] if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. [ laughter ] i'd be an eggplant. no -- zucchini, no -- eggplant. eggplant! final answer, eggplant. [ laughter ] >> are those astronaut pants? because, looks like you went to the bathroom in them? [ laughter ] ♪ it's one o'clock in the morning ♪ >> seth: hey, hey! >> hey, hey! >> seth: hey! >> hey! >> seth: hey! yeah, you. [ light laughter ] are you a parking ticket? because i'm not going to pay you. [ laughter ]
i mean -- hey. [ applause ] not that i think you are a prostitute. are you a prostitute? actually, don't answer. i want plausible deniability. anywho -- can i get you a drank? [ laughter ] >> you know what, baby, your left eye must hurt because you've been looking right all day. [ laughter ] oh, no -- you're just cross-eyed. i'm sorry about that. sorry about that. ♪ ♪ actually it's more like 1:15 ♪ >> seth: oh, 1:15? 1:15, oh my god! that explains why we have so many texts from my wife. i'm so sorry, buddy. >> yeah, i gotta get back. >> seth: that was "one o'clock in the morning." my thanks to keegan-michael key. we'll be right back with more "late night." i'm so sorry, buddy. >> no, that's alright. i gotta go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
america! there's a new flavor from snapple. it's straight up tea. it's all natural with that brewed tea taste that will keep ya coming back for more...oh yeah! new yorkers love it and you're gonna love it too! all-natural snapple straight up tea. made from the best stuff on earth. ranking from top to bottom. car company of the year? luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. yeah. there better be some awards behind what you are paying for right? the final answer. chevrolet is the most awarded car company of the year. really? i was just surprised. i'm interested to learn more about chevy. let's check out these 2015 chevy's. it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean, this is chevy?
ugh! heartburn! no one burns on my watch! try alka-seltzer heartburn reliefchews. they work fast and don't taste chalky. mmm...amazing. i have heartburn. alka-seltzer heartburn reliefchews. enjoy the relief. ♪ me and you, ♪ and you and me. ♪ no matter how they tossed the dice. ♪ ♪ it had to be. ♪ the only one for me is you. ♪ and you for me. ♪ so happy together! now there's a rewards program that lets you earn points at one place and use them at another. introducing plenti. ♪ ♪ when it comes to rewards, there's plenti together. ♪ ♪
>> yates' tough guy assets are in town and i'm here trying to save asset howell and derail this operation, but something's not right. i am standing in front of the sheriffs station, which is on fire. >> i don't understand. why would you -- i cannot be talking -- >> i need a weapon. >> oh, my god. >> and i need to know where yates is pulling the subjects for this operation. >> okay, i'm sorry. i'm gonna hang up. i can't -- i can't be talking -- >> no, no, no. don't hang up. don't hang up. he's boxing me into this town. he's gonna trap me like a rat and he's gonna kill me. please petey, i really need you. >> seth: please welcome to the show tony hale! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi there! >> hi! >> seth: it's so good to see you again. >> so good to see you. and i have to start off by apologizing. >> seth: for? >> okay -- last time we saw each other was at comic-con last
summer, and i had, had a little too much to drink. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> i'm not going to lie. and when that happens, i can't stop talking. >> seth: okay. >> so i was kind of a fan of yours. and i came up and we introduced -- we met each other. and then i just kept talking. and it was that kind of thing where about halfway into it your mind is like, stop talking. [ laughter ] just stop. and i couldn't -- i couldn't stop, and you were very sweet. you just kind of listened. i'm just going, "just shut your face, hale." [ laughter ] and i just can't just, "wrap it up. wrap it up." and i couldn't. and you were very -- your eyes glazed over and you just kind of listened to me. >> seth: i had a lot to drink too, and i think that's why my eyes glazed over, yeah. >> okay, yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: you were like a dream for me. 'cause i was like, "i'm so drunk i can't talk anymore." and somebody said, we should go -- when tony's drunk, he just talks. and i said, that sounds perfect. >> don't you know that feeling where you are -- you're talking too much and your mind is just like, "you've gotta shut it." >> seth: yes. i can't say who it was.
i once talked to somebody on a tv show i really liked -- this show i liked. and i was talking to them for so long at a bar and then that person said to me, like, "hey, i'm actually here to try to talk to girls, so i'm gonna go." and i said, "oh, that makes total sense." [ laughter ] like it was like just a superfan cornering him. being, "i really liked this episode a lot." [ laughter ] >> then you walk away and you're like, "i'm an ass. i'm an ass. i'm an ass." [ laughter ] >> seth: you just went on vacation with your wife. you were in martha's -- no, you were nantucket? >> i was in nantucket. my wife worked there during the summers when she was younger, and so she wanted to show it to me. and it is beautiful. >> seth: it is a beautiful place. >> we stayed at this sweet little bed and breakfast called 76 maine and it was really sweet. and they had a breakfast. [ laughter ] >> seth: are you sponsored by these guys? >> i'm not. can you imagine? >> seth: yeah. >> a bed and breakfast in nantucket is sponsoring me. [ laughter ] no, but they had this little breakfast, and then they had this little cocktail hour. and that actually made me the most excited 'cause even though i paid for it, it felt free. >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> so, i don't know. food just tastes better when you feel like it's free. [ laughter ]
it's like an all-inclusive resort. it just feels free. so, we had a great time. >> seth: that's great. do you eat more when you think it's free? >> i do. i do, i do. it's just joy. >> seth: yeah, i get it. [ laughter ] so, this -- connie britton is also in this film and in the clip. >> yeah. >> seth: she came on the show and she talked about how it nice it was for her to have a departure and play a kick-ass cia agent. you play sort of a socially awkward person, which is not a departure for you. >> no. [ laughter ] >> seth: do you like playing the -- 'cause you are so good -- you're so wonderful -- >> at emasculation? is that what you're saying? [ laughter ] >> seth: no! you make these -- >> i do emasculation really well. [ laughter ] >> seth: you do awkward so well. and do you enjoy playing those? >> i do. no, i really do. i love it. i love -- i don't know if you -- i'll talk to you like you're 15. do you remember bob newhart? >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> i remember just his, like, the circumstance would be crazy, and he would just kinda sit at attention. >> seth: yes. >> and just that akwardness. and i enjoy that. however, i don't like watching it. so, my wife makes fun of me, 'cause i have a hard time disengaging from stuff that i'm watching. >> seth: oh, so not your own
stuff, if you're watching anything that has akwardness in it. >> like, if i'm in it, if i'm playing it, i love it. >> seth: right. >> but watching it makes me -- for instance, like "the office." >> seth: sure. >> i'm just like, "fire the guy. just get him out." [ laughter ] "get him out. it's tense. nobody likes him. why is he there?" and i'm uncomfortable. if it happens, i'm just out. i walk to the kitchen. i can't handle it. horror movies are the same way. >> seth: oh, yeah. >> like, that can happen. like, someone can call from my basement and be like, have you checked the children? or whatever. >> seth: right, that can happen. [ laughter ] >> yeah, it can. they can put on a mask and kill you. sorry. fyi, kids. [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- congratulations. nominated for an emmy. this is your third time nominated. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you! oh, you guys are so nice. >> seth: this is a "late night" first because one of the people you're nominated against is keegan-michael key. so, we have two of the six here tonight. >> and we're both wearing plaid and jeans and a blue coat i noticed. >> seth: yes. you've won once. you've won an emmy. >> yeah, which is very overwhelming.
>> seth: and do you still get excited about it? >> oh, yeah. i think if anybody gets used to it, they need to be slapped. >> seth: right. [ light laughter ] >> that's like, it's a party i never thought i'd be invited to. >> seth: and they're really fun nights. >> it's so -- and it's free. >> seth: right, the food's free. [ laughter ] >> and it's free. you go to a party and there's a buffet and you can't stop. [ laughter ] but, you know, you see friends that you've worked with and it's just fun. >> seth: how -- 'cause everybody says it's an honor to be nominated. how much more fun was it the year that you won? >> oh -- dude, that was crazy. >> seth: yes, 'cause then you're in line for free food holding a trophy. >> i'm first! [ laughter ] >> seth: you just, like, move people out of the way? >> -- no, that was an amazing night. that was an amazing night. you know what was cool about that night too? i grew up in this theater called, "young actor's theater" that made a big difference in my life and i was able to thank them publicly. >> seth: yeah. >> and that was -- that was really cool. >> seth: that seems to be the best part about winning if anything. 'cause then you get to give -- like, you get something then you get to give it back. >> absolutely, so fun. >> seth: now, you talked about
growing up. you have something you want to come clean about tonight. >> oh god. >> seth: from your youth. and i'm very happy you chose our show to do this. >> okay. okay, we were talking about this earlier. >> seth: yeah, i'm very excited that -- >> what a nice audience you have. [ cheering and applause ] i know, i know, i know. >> seth: things are about to get very raw here so -- >> don't judge. don't judge. [ laughter ] all right. so, i saw my sister last night at this -- she came -- she flew out to go to the "american ultra" premiere 'cause she's a big connie britton fan. and it made me think of this story that i really feel like i need to come clean about. my sister doesn't know this. oh, god. [ laughter ] so, when we -- i was an army brat. we moved around a lot. and then in the seventh grade we moved to tallahassee, florida. and when my dad retired from the army he started working for the state. and i didn't know anybody. i was a geeky kid. i didn't like sports. i just didn't know what to do with my body. i mean, everything was off. didn't have many friends, so i'd go to this middle school. and there's this girl there who's really cute and really, really popular.
and she seems to be in the know, like everybody knows her. and i really wanted to connect with her. well, i found out that one of her close relatives -- that's not funny. her close relatives had passed away, so i, in turn, said that my sister died. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] awful! >> seth: but based on what we just heard from the "american ultra" premiere, she hadn't. >> -- she has not yet. [ laughter ] so, i just wanted to connect desperately. keep in mind me thinking, "oh she'll be like, 'oh, that's so sweet. let's be immediate friends and maybe date.'" >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> needless to say, i wasn't anything. then we go on to high school together and to this day i think -- and i remember my sister -- my sister's eight years older than me. >> seth: right. >> and i was always worried when she would come back in town that she would see her. 'cause to this day, i think she thinks i have a dead sister. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> and my sister doesn't know that i used her -- i actually killed her off to try to connect with somebody. [ laughter ] >> seth: and it didn't go anywhere. >> yeah, it didn't go anywhere. [ laughter ]
and i think that this poor lady still thinks i have a dead sister. that's awful. that's awful. kids out there, do not use this. [ laughter ] it does not work. >> seth: if you'd been in seventh grade standing with this girl, let's just say hypothetically, and your sister had driven up to school to pick you up -- >> oh my gosh. >> seth: would you have pretended she was a ghost? [ laughter and applause ] >> i would've done like -- "oh, god! oh, my god!" gotten on my knees. it's a miracle. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you so much for coming clean here. >> thank you. >> seth: and thank you so much for being here. tony hale, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "american ultra" hits theaters this friday. we'll be right back on "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ go get help, boy. go get help.
go get help! right now! if you're a cat, you ignore people. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. go on kitty, kitty... ♪ it's just a summer thing double it up this summer with a hot deal from mcdonald's. the $2.50 double combo, a mouth-watering double cheeseburger and small fries for just $2.50. (music) watch as these magnificent creatures take flight, soaring away from home towards the promise of a better existence. but these birds are suffering. because this better place turned out to have a less reliable cell phone network, and the videos on their little bird phones kept buffering.
birds hate that. so they came back home. come home to verizon and now get 12 gigs for $80 a month plus $20 per line. verizon. come home to a better network. and that's how they're made. ...no klondike ice cream meets candy bar. the best ice cream bar ever conceived. itto discover the leading-edge connectivity of the lexus es. ♪ with available technology to help you find just what you're looking for. ♪
♪ you're a crook i'm a thief you're the heart i'm the beat ♪ ♪ we're a mess but we try we're alive we can hardly breathe ♪ ♪ i can't leave till death do us part but my hearts getting dark on the edge of the cliff ♪ ♪ this cars gonna start now i can't breathe ♪ ♪ ♪ do you want a way out do you, do you do you want a way out do you ♪ ♪ i don't want a way out you and i know the truth even though it hurts i just wanna be a ♪ ♪ criminal with you criminal with you we're criminals ♪ ♪ running from the lights
can't stop till the end only one design like fire and ice ♪ ♪ heaven i want you heaven i want you heaven i want you heaven i want you ♪ ♪ do you want a way out do you, do you do you want a way out do you ♪ ♪ i don't want a way out you and i know the truth even though it hurts i just wanna be a ♪ ♪ criminal with you criminal with you we're criminals ♪ ♪ you're a crook i'm a thief you're the heart i'm the beat ♪ ♪ we're a mess but we try we're alive we can hardly breathe ♪ ♪ i can't leave till death do us part
but my hearts getting dark on the edge of the cliff ♪ ♪ this cars gonna start now i can't breathe ♪ ♪ do you want a way out do you, do you do you want a way out do you ♪ ♪ i don't want a way out you and i know the truth even though it hurts i just wanna be a ♪ ♪ criminal with you we don't want a way out you and i know the truth ♪ ♪ i just wanna be a criminal with you ♪ ♪ criminal with you you know, you know ♪ ♪ i just wanna be a criminal with you criminals ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: ms mr! the album, "how does it feel" is
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to keegan-michael key, tony hale, ms mr, everybody! jimmy chamberlin and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: well, hello there, it is "last call" from skyroom here in new york. i'm carson daly and this is what's about to hit your screen. author, comedian, maz jobrani is